We¡¯re back!

Samson : These last two days have been interesting. So, yesterday, we got out of damp, mosquito hell and went to a famous Buddhist temple called E Mei Shan. It was so crowded and stuff. There was a lot of walking too. I burned the hair off of my hand. AND WE SAW THE CLONE OF TREN¡­AGAIN. Carl and I decided to name the guy Tron. Unfortunately, when I saw him my dad wasn¡¯t around. Then we went up a lift, this time a cable car instead of a shitty ski lift. We did a couple of rituals and stuff, which were kinda boring until we decided to go meet some monkeys¡­

Carl : Monkeys were basically the most hardcore experience ever. They were literally climbing all over us. We bought small bags of food for them, but we didn¡¯t have the chance to give it to them before they stole it. There were ladies with big bamboo sticks yelling at us and the monkeys. They hit the monkeys too, and they almost hit Samson. Then we saw monkeys humping each other which means they do it for fun. Then I was like, ¡°SAMSON TURN THE HELL AROUND!¡±. And he was like, ¡°WHAT?!¡± AND TRON WAS THERE. We got pictures with him after explaining he looked like a friend of ours. Basically we violated his privacy. Actually Samson violated his privacy. I was like, ¡°Samson, stop being a douche bag.¡±

(Samson is doing sit-ups, so I¡¯m stealing his turn)

Carl : Okay, so we woke up at 5 in the morning to get on a flight to Jiu Zhai Gou, which is a place like Yosemite, except with more hardcore lakes and less hardcore trees. It wasn¡¯t really that great. We had a crap breakfast and a crap lunch, and we had to take a crap since morning but we didn¡¯t have time. Then we got to a beastly five star hotel which is beastly because it is so frigging awesome.

(Side note : We are watching this really awesome funny Chinese movie right now, but since it¡¯s in Chinese and the title flashes so fast, I have no fucking idea what it says, therefore this really frigging sucks.)

Samson : Yea those monkeys and Tron were the highlight of our trip. I was using my super stalking skills to take pics of Tron, until my dad got pissed at me for taking low quality pictures with the flash off. Then he turns on the flash and takes a picture of the guy. Tron sees this since he¡¯s three feet away and my dad explains to Tron that he looks like Tren. Then Carl and I end up taking pictures with the guy. As for the monkeys, those things are crazy. There were the skinny, scrawny ones that always fought over the food. Then there were the fat ones that sat there while everyone gave them food. I think fatness is proportional to smartness, since I saw a really fat monkey open this guy¡¯s green tea bottle and drink some. This lady kept getting mad at me too. She was pissed that I¡¯d get so close or that I would imitate the monkeys. After that we went back to the lame hotel with the condoms. The next day we woke up early and took a plane. The problem was that we had to take massive poos. Massive poos that we held in for hours until we got to the hotel. This hotel is so awesome, but it's getting late. Jenn, I hope I see you soon. I miss you a lot.

Samson : Samson and Carl here. We are in HELL. I'm serious. This is so disgusting. Our hotels are like shit and so are the restaurants. It is the shantiest place ever. If food inspectors came to China, these restaurants would send them crying home.

Carl : Hell with cheap ice cream and good sodas...

Samson : Oh yea, the sodas are good. Carl loves the peach flavored soda, but I personally enjoy the apple. Oh yea, we got foot massages, and I wimped out like a pansy because I couldn't handle the immense tickling.

Carl : This is how ridiculously... questionable this hotel we stayed at was. By the bed was this heart-shaped basket and inside was a condom. I mean, kids were staying in the rooms. Then we went to go get foot massages in a building attached to the hotel.

Samson : They had covered up nude photos of women...EVERYWHERE. Some weren't even covered up. I wonder what that used to be...

Now...The first day was rather peaceful compared to today. But then, we met Thomas. His parents are close friends to Carl's parents. But he... is a pansy... a fobby pansy. His shorts are pulled up as high as they can go. You know how we know? Because he tucks his shirt in too! What's more, he carries a backpack in which the straps are amazingly small, so it's basically touching his neck. Then he runs around skipping and dancing like a pansy. (Note: A pansy is a flower.) What sucks is that he makes fun of me and Carl because he thinks we're pansies. I hate him so much. I HATE HIM I HATE HIM I HATE HIM. Frickin pansy...

Carl : So the hotel we stayed at last night was 3 stars, and tonight it's 4 stars, but the rooms are just as crappy. The restaurant and the internet bar is a nice touch though. But it's still pretty crappy, so it makes you think what 4 stars is out of. Probably like 7.

Today we went to this mountain which is called something like e mei shan.. or something. (Note : If you do not know Chinese and try to pronounce this, you are a fucking pansy.) Anyways, the mountain was supposed to be really awesome and it had a huge Buddha, the biggest buddha in the world. 71 Meters, and it could fit an SUV on its toenail. But not really cuz my dad frickin lied to me.

Samson : Alright, so we're waiting in line to meet Big Buddha, and the line is huge and long. It's like waiting for X with the ride broken down. A few of you know what I'm talking about... Anyway, we're waiting in line when Carl taps me and he's like "Who does that guy look like." He doesn't even have to point because I look and I see TREN. But it's not Tren. It's like Tren - 5 years, and fobbier. He looked like Tren so much and everyone in our families thought that. So then I used my super stalking skills and took multiple pictures of the clone. He was wearing a Snoopy shirt.

Carl : So it's a really long line and people start cutting and shit, and our parents start getting pissed but I'm like stfu and this guy ahead of us creates a commotion and he's just like my dad if he were to get pissed. Anyway, Samson's dad started getting pissed off because people kept crowding together and you had no room and it smelled like B.O. everywhere. Samson's dad decided to create a hugeass barrier using his sweaty body and the ladies behind us were like goddammit. In GuangDongHua, a Chinese dialect, the ladies said, "Goddamn, this man sweats profusely and smells like shiet." My dad happens to speak GuangDongHua so he started cracking up and then he told us in English and we started cracking up. Then Samson's dad demanded to take a picture with the ladies behind us. This was the first sign of douchebaggyness.

Samson : Alright, so then my dad became an asshole and started taking pictures with random strangers. It was all good for a while, then two girls try to cut and my dad stops them. Then Carl's dad joined in the douchebaggyness and was like "Go sing and dance for us and we'll let you cut us!" The girls get pissed off because they just wanted to wait at the stairs, but our parents are just douchebags and my dad decides to take pictures with them too... Then as we're going down, our parents find it genius to just take pictures EVERY STEP OF THE WAY. People behind us were so pissed off because of them. And then... The camera ran out of memory. Carl and I rejoiced for about five seconds, until we found out that my dad has another memory card with 1 gig of memory. We're screwed. This tour is sucking, and I want to get somewhere sanitary. Miss you, Jenn.

Carl : Fuck, I forgot what I was gonna say. Goddammit.

Both: We're done for now. We'll update with more bitching and pics later.

PS: WE HATE THOMAS! WE WANT THAT PANSY TO DIE!

It's been foreeeeeeeeeeeeeever since I updated!

What's happened? Hmm...

Oh! Summer's here! I am now enrolled in Moorpark College for Philosophy and Psychology. Doesn't that sound fun. Relay for Life is coming up, and I plan to work my ass off. I can't think of anything else...Except that I want to have fun, so call me when you're bored, AFTER 1:00 P.M. that is. I have class until 1:00.